Contributing to the feeding of the house is not a topic we should be debating or even talk about this 2019. But here I am writing ways you can get that family member or partner of yours to pitch in the feeding of the house.
Recently, I had a talk with an elderly family member.
She was so frustrated with the fact that her husband( who receives monthly pension) has not contributed to the feeding of the house in years when he know she does not have a job.
During our talk, I found out that the previous years he gave money, it was always just a measly 2000naira.
At this point several things went through my head.
- Why are you still struggling to feed him?
- Why have you not once complained to him?
Trust me the questions I wanted to ask her at that moment were too much.
Disclaimer : When I wrote this post I was using the scenario of a marriage partnership almost all through and not that of roomates/flatmates.
Because I feel for a roommate, it is very easy to change and pick another person whereas for a marriage it is much more harder to change.
So if you want to make the person you are living with contribute to the feeding of the house, this post is for you.
1) Voice it Out
My mum always told me that a closed mouth is a closed destiny. You have to voice your concerns out.
Let the person know that he/she should either buy food products or give you money that you would use to buy foodstuffs and cook for the month.
We all grew up with different upbringings, so it is better to have this talk than you assuming that the person knows. Assuming usually always end up leading to resentment.
2)Reverse The Roles
You have spoken once, twice, several times even and the person is still not contributing. Try it the hard way.
The next step should be to let the person realize that food is very essential to life and the cost of feeding in Nigeria is very very very expensive.
Let your partner handle feeding for a month and do not contribute a kobo. If the person can not cook, for the month let the person order food from restaurant.
This would make the person know that feeding two or more mouths is not a joke.
3) Change Your Approach
The first time you asked, you might have been so frustrated and angry that you started blaming and yelling.
It is best to think what you want to say through and approach your loved one with a well thought out plan of how you want to ask.
For instance,if the person loves your afang soup, you could start by saying,
“That my Afang soup you love and always ask for, I might not be able to prepare it again because the ingredients are so costly and you are not helping out with expenses.”
You know your loved one better than I do. So you know what or which soup can make that feeding money come out.
4) Have a Joint Account
Before you entered the partnership you must have had a talk on who is taking care of which expenses. The realistic thing next should be that you and the person should contribute a certain percentage of income into the account and make the account be for the upkeep of the house.
5) Make a List
Write a list of food items that should be bought in bulk. Write it all down. Do not forget the trivial everyday things like tin tomatoes, maggi, salt and pepper.
Make an estimate of the cost so that the loved one can see how costly feeding is and contribute.
When you have written the list to show the person, be friendly about it but not too friendly so that he/she can see how serious you are and not take advantage of your kindness.
6) Talk to An Elderly Person/ Close Friend
I am suggesting this as the last resort because if it was me I would not have liked everyone up in my business unless there was nothing I could do about it.
If it is a loved one, you should talk to a close family member and get advice on what you should do.
If it is a partner, your parents or his/her bestfriend should be who you should talk to.
No one is a one man island, you would need the help of people that are probably living with someone to help you figure out what to do.
I hope this post was helpful?